I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Yes, I know, I am a woman “fully growed.” Sometimes I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 5. Or 13. Or 17. Shouldn’t I feel differently as an adult? This question has perplexed me for several weeks now.

When I was 5 and invincible, the world laid out before me, I wanted to be one of everything. I wanted to be the ice cream man. I wanted to be the plumber. I wanted to be a fireman. I was going to be a garbage man and Miss America. I even told my mother once, while watching some cows in our friend’s pasture, that when I was a cow, I used to chew my cud too. Nothing was impossible in my little mind!

Part of the “problem” was/is that God has blessed me tremendously. I will never forget one time when a church member cornered me and tried to make me admit my talents. She finally said, “Look, you have to admit that God has given you a lot of talent.” Well, as humble as I wanted to be, I had to admit it to her. To not do so would have been a lie and an ungrateful spirit toward the Giver of gifts.

The “problem” is that I want to do everything. My interests wax and wane. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but then I think about what I have learned and how many new things are out there to be understood. I still enjoy doing those things–quilting, sewing, scrapbooking–but I only have “one life to live.” There are only so many discretionary hours in a lifetime.

So what do I want to be? I love to teach, but I’m not doing that right now. I loved being a school administrator and a department manager, but I no longer carry those titles. I’m a musician, but I’m not doing that right now. In fact, I let my daughter take my piano, and my handmade flute lies forgotten in its leather case. I love to write, but I’m not really working on that right now other than blogging. I am an editor/web content manager who will be out of a job at some point when the company closes the Texas office. So what is next? What do I do with my Second Act?

What is the desire of my heart? I want to write. I have ALWAYS wanted to write. I want to be published. I want to not have to work outside the home. I want to homeschool my grandchildren. I want to publish books for children–stories that have great, funny plots that teach a Biblical principle so clearly that the readers will never forget it. I want to tell the stories of life lessons that have so deeply impacted my life. I want to write the story of The Quilt and its significance not only to the cancer victim but to the makers as well. I want to be a story teller, crafting beautiful stories and delivering them with great emotion and drama. I want to develop a website where children can find God’s healing peace and comfort. I want to develop a website for hurting parents of adult children. The bottom line? I have to help people. That is the essence of me.

You’d think by now I would have a clear road map of His plan for my life. I don’t. I expected my Second Act to be a certain way. It isn’t. I’ll take it as it comes. Only God knows what is next. He has placed desires in my heart for a reason. They all build on each other to make my life quilt whole, to complete me as His daughter.